My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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