That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
