you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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