I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
