i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
