I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
