I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
