isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
