i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So squirting runs in the family.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
