I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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