Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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