So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
