omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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