Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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