Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
