My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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