I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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