i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
