ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
