took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am available for nakedness
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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