It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
