It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints