I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
