the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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