It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit