there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
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Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful