My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.