He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
