She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
