If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
