I want to walk on stilts...naked
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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