Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
