im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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