You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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