Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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