Non-Jews are for practice
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
