How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
