just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I need moral support for this bender
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
