we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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