Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
