Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
