why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
