Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
drinking out of a sandbucket again
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
