Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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