new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
