i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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