I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
