I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
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If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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