I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
