i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
