If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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