she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
