I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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