my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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