So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
