When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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