I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
