hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
