i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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