PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
