Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
