I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
