Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
