I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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