Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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