Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
