you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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