I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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