i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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