She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
