Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
