I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
