just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
