did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
