bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize